Billy's Bandera Bandanna

Billy was a charming lad.  He had hair of gentle golden waves and a smile that warmed the hearts of even the coldest of the cold.  Everyone who knew Billy loved him.  Everyone who loved him called him a "good ol' boy".  Most significantly, Billy was my boyfriend.

How I got from Italy to Spain to Russia to China to Mexico to Texas is a story that must be saved for another day for when this story begins, I am already at Twin Elm Dude Ranch in the Hill Country of Bandera, Texas.  Perhaps it is needless to point out that as the darling of the fashion world, I was used to big cities, big buildings and big attention.  Twin Elm Dude Ranch provided none of these comforts.  Texas was not my chosen destination, exactly, so I was desperately trying to figure out the quickest way to get off the ranch and back to civilization.  Since I wanted to leave as soon as possible, I decided it would be best to avoid the male species.  A boy would simply be a distraction.

During my third day at the ranch, I met Billy.  I had kept a low profile for the first couple of days as I knew that the puparazzi had been hot on my tail.  By the third day I figured the vultures had found another story to feed on and I explored the ranch in all my glory.  While investigating the barn, Billy approached me.  Though I was giving off clear signals that I was not at all interested in him, he was instantly smitten.  Unexpectedly, I recognized an incredible kindness in his warm brown eyes, but reminded myself, "easy Sweetie, easy, this is not what you want".  His kindness was misinterpreted as foolishness and I mistakenly thought that since I was not looking for love, I could instead manipulate this goofball with the heart of gold to help me get what I needed-- out. But I underestimated the weakness of my own heart.  Quite quickly, I forgot about Jean DeBout, Ricococo, Fernando, Vladimir, CCS (name is protected for privacy), Chihuahua and fell in love with Billy.

While Billy's looks and appeal were undeniable, I was, initially, a little unsure about Billy's intellectual abilities.  He was not as acculturated nor as abreast to the metropolitan way of life as my typical social circles were and at times, I wondered how well-suited we really were for each other.  We looked fantastic together, no doubt, but he wasn't particularly sophisticated.  My doubts were assuaged, however, as I realized that Billy was incredibly intelligent, not so much in the ways of the city world, but in the ways of the natural world.  For example, Billy had an innate gift of compassion and was able to communicate between the horses at the ranch and the cowboys.  He was the problem solver and could coax the horses to do what the cowboys couldn't get them to do and vice versa.  Also, Billy knew everything about the land, the sky, the stars, the seasons.  It is through Billy that I learned to see  beauty in everything.

I didn't expect to be so satisfied on a ranch, but there was so much to do.  Billy took my hiking and camping.  He tried to get me to swim, but I told him that would never do.  I watched him perform his very masculine work at the rodeos and the chuck-wagon races.  Afterward, we would delight at the bonfire, stuff our mouths with hot dogs and stare up at the moon.  It was a lifestyle unlike any I had lived before and as the seasons passed, this city girl was surprisingly happy.

I knew our relationship was getting serious when Billy gave me his red bandanna.  The ranch had frequent visitors and they got a hoot out of Billy wearing the thing, and as he always aimed to please, he wore it daily.  Since Billy had to get up before dawn to lead a private horseback expedition, we had decided to stay the night in the barn.  When I awoke well after the rooster's call, his bandanna had been draped across my shoulders.  It was so thoughtful a gesture and so sentimental a sign and so clearly my clue to get out.  Recently, my agent had located me and was sending certified letters three times a day urging me to return to the catwalk.  I had withheld the letters from Billy as I knew that he would fear my departure and I wasn't sure what I wanted to do.

Billy had blundered into my heart in a way that not even my true love, Jean de Beaux had been able to do.  I had surreptitiously been asking Billy if he had any desire to live a city life so I knew I couldn't have both. I was going to have to choose:  Billy or career.  As much as I loved Billy and the country, I knew the fashion world needed me more.  The designers had been struggling for a few seasons in my absence.  They had no muse. 

Rather than make our hearts hurt more, I decided to leave Twin Elm before Billy returned from that fateful trip.  I carefully folded up the red bandanna into the shape of a heart and left it in the middle of our spot.   Pinned to the center was my good bye letter, "Dearest Billy, I love you truly.  Sweetie P."

I heard that Billy eventually forgave me and came to understand my hasty decision.  He met a nice girl who worked at the rodeo.  They settled down and even had a few pups.  A few years ago, I came across a story that a ranch in Bandera was in danger of closing.  An anonymous buyer purchased the ranch and set up a trust to ensure its continued operation.  The buyer bequeathed the ranch to Billy.

Yours truly,
Sweetie P. Clark

The Nose Knows

Dear Readers,

It has come to my attention that while my fans were thrilled with the snippet from my interview on Smell Smells and simply adored my new single, "Give a Little Bit (of Your Ham to Me)", the base was distressed that since the interview was on radio, no one was able to see my beautiful little face.  In light of that news, I've decided to dedicate this post to all those who know a pretty girl when they see one.  I have new and delightful photos of me to share, and I've decided to focus on one of my favorite and most under-mentioned body parts, my sensational nose.  Smells are, after all,  perhaps my favorite sensory experience.  I love the subtle qualities of an aroma that my nose detects.  Each and every quality of a smell is noted and appreciated.  I can linger in luxury as my olfactory guide identifies the complex nuances of assorted scents.  All of this is thanks to my beautiful nose.

Coincidentally, I've noticed that alleged strong minded, mature women have been succumbing to our culture's pressure to reflect eternal youth.  Noticing the dearth of naturally beautiful women, I recognize my duty and responsibility to be the spokes model for looking our ages.  I alone can show the western world the grace, the dignity, the wisdom, that an aging face displays.  I thought Madonna was going to be that gal, but she opted out somewhere along the way. 

Adorable!

 

 

The first photo I've shared is a close up on my precious nose.  It's remarkable how perfectly symmetrical it is.  My black nose is flushed with a touch of pink.  The carefully scalloped edges lead the eye to the precise bottom point which further directs the eye to my furry little lip.

More goodness.

Above is a slightly different angle of my beautiful nose.  I'd like you to notice how white the areas around my nose have become.  I happen to be rather pleased with the evolution of my face.  Do you see any signs of salon color?  Do my cheeks look too tight?  Am I wrinkle-free? Absolutely not!  And, I look good and know it.  Everyone knows it.  It is true that this look is all the rage, but it's because as I vowed to accept my glory in it's fully natural state, I inadvertently started a new trend, among the young pups nonetheless.  Hardy har har.

Thought you might like the three quarter angle.  Notice I hold my nose high.

There's some old sayings about different kinds of beauty, it's in the beholder's eye and all that jazz.  Fortunately for everyone involved, those sentiments are completely true as technically, no one is more beautiful than me.  Anyway, really, what I want, what I insist, you take away from my latest words of wisdom is that we all must be able and willing to see the beauty in our own faces.  Maybe your nose is not as long as mine, nor as adept at recognizing fragrances, maybe you don't have sharp whiskers, or a furry face, maybe your face is still smooth with youth and angst.  Guess what?  That's perfect and just the way it's supposed to be.  Appreciate what you have. You can be fabulous just as you are, just as you change, day after day after day.  What more proof do you need than moi?

Ta-ta darlings,

Sweetie P. Clark

P.S.- some of you were probably admiring my teeth.  I'll have a story to tell about them soon.  But before that, I may tell you about Billy.  Any votes?

My interview on WBRK

Hi guys,

I started 2012 on tour and in the studio.  You've probably been anxiously awaiting to read about my New Year's resolutions, but that's just going to have to wait.  To satiate your appetite, I've linked an excerpt from my most recent radio interview below.  During the interview, I sing a snippet from one of my favorite songs that will feature on my upcoming album.

I haven't thought of a good title for the new album, does anyone have any fabulous ideas?

Here are a few photos from me in the studio for my interview on WBRK.

Here I am answering a difficult question.  I look so cute in headphones!

We took five.

Chris Goose was filling in for Liza Swan.

Puparazzi part 2

I can't believe those dastardly devils are still hounding me.  The Puparazzi won't leave me alone.  The latest pictures circling the Internet are unauthorized and taken out of context. 

Let me explain.  

The latest headlines claim "From the Runway to the Gutter", implying that I am spinning out of control.  Not true!  Yes, there was a low point in my life when I lost my senses (that happens to all of us, right, Brittany?), but I learned from my mistakes and have been living a life of utter refinement and dignity ever since.  I live sensibly and consciously, and do my part to reduce, reuse and recycle.  However, some seemingly sentient beings live dangerously apathetic lives (is that too harsh?) and cause harm to my mother, Nature.  As I am a loyal lady and want to protect Mother, I willingly go to great lengths to help clean up the mess caused by others.  

See exhibit A

Technically, this is not a gutter, so the accusation that I've returned to the gutter is illogical.  Furthermore, what you see in this picture is evidence that I take action and make deliberate choices to reduce unnecessary waste.  Here, I am exploring a delightful scent that I picked up and preparing to chow down on perfectly good, sadly discarded, morsels of food.  I disagree that this pictures shows that I am trashy, rather it reflects my commitment to lighten the load sent to landfills as well as my resourcefulness- I was hungry, there was food. More important is what you don't see, the lazy lad who couldn't be bothered to throw his trash in the dumpster or recycle his plastic water bottle.  Really, whose behavior is more disgusting?

Exhibit B

Here's another photo from the same day, same dumpster.  My impeccable skills demonstrate what is now being referred to as "dumpster diving".  Dumpster diving is part of the green movement and is growing in popularity.  Dumpster divers save perfectly good, but discarded meat, dairy, produce, flowers, wrapping paper, etc., from the landfill.  Notably,  I've been invested in the Earth cause for as long as I can remember, so I simply refer to this activity as smart.  

Unfortunately, this day's mission was ultimately unsuccessful.  I was prevented from consuming the treasures I found.  My assistants don't yest support this little habit of mine, so when their over-protective eyes are watching, I can't get the goods. 

Readers, take time to reflect on the messages in this latest blog; I have filled it with wonderful words of wisdom, such as:

Reduce, reuse, recycle

Be true to yourself

Look fabulous no matter what you are doing

Best,

Sweetie P. Clark

P.S.  If you want to comment, join my site and become a follower of Sweetie P.!

what to wear in winter

Dear Readers,

I've been observing the latest trends in winter wear and I am unimpressed.  When did it become fashionable to dress like a lazy slob?  Never!  

The first and best option for winter wear is to live in a beautiful, original black fur coat.  

Look how positively dashing a sight to see the luxurious black coat contrasted against the crisp white snow.  I look absolutely adorable with the spot of snow on my nose.

If you have neither the figure nor the finances to afford what I have, I am happy to provide a sensible and striking alternative.  Full disclosure, Hank, who you see pictured below, is an old acquaintance from my modeling days.  I've reprinted his picture with permission.

 Certainly I don't need to point out that Hank lacks fur and a perfect figure, but notice what he does with what he has.  The shades of gray, black and white compliment and camouflage his pear shape.  By choosing one main color for most of the look, and using other colors as accent pieces, he elongates his frame.  While it has become incredibly popular to choose footwear in contrasting colors, Hank is too smart to be fooled into that fashion faux pas.  He knows that wearing boots the same color as his garb will add length to his frame and help balance out his exceptionally long neck.  The black that he added along his torso creates curves in all the right places-did anyone see Kate Winslet's dress at Cannes?  The bright white adds a pop of color and draws attention to his slender neck and gorgeous face.  Hank has chosen to play up his magnificent eyes with some dramatic hues and because he keeps the rest of his look rather simple, it works.  

I'm most impressed with Hank's flair and the way he uses it to add a sense of dignity to his look while, again, hiding those darned imperfections (something that I don't have).  He has a tiny, little head, and a rather rotund derriere.  However, the feathers on the back of his head create balance, and again, draw attention to that wonderful face.  The feathers he's draped along his chest are stunning and distract from his bottom heavy shape.  They add a sense of royalty and refinement to his look.

Hank is a good and handsome boy, though every year he struggles with winter weight gain.  Still, no one has every seen Hank feeling sorry for himself and lounging around in a big sweatshirt with elastic waist pants.   Even when he doesn't feel his best, he looks his best.  And I know that once summer rolls around, he'll drop the feathers and show off his newly svelte figure.

My advice to you, dear readers, is to always look your best.  If you don't have what I have (and you don't), work with what you've got.  You have to look your best to look your best.

Yours truly, 

Sweetie P. Clark

Puparazzi

Readers beware!

The puparazzi has discovered where I live and has been infiltrating my private life.  I retired from the public eye years ago, preferring to live a life in quiet contemplation.  If I wanted to be in the spotlight,  trust me, one shake of my tail and I'd be back on the runway.  I don't know how they've found me, but they did.  My handler spotted curious pictures of me on the Internet.  While it's impossible for me to take a less than stellar shot, some of these photos are rather intimate.  I'm posting them here to debunk any myth that those hounds may try to circulate about me.  If you see them in any other media source, don't trust them.

So what's the big deal?  Sometimes I prefer to forgo the fancy linen and china and eat al strada, as I say.  This good old fashioned style of dining keeps me humble.  And, eating while standing burns more calories. Check out my figure for further proof.

Everybody has got a dirty little secret.  I happen to indulge in a good chew from time to time.  I don't think it's at all juvenile or undignified.  It's just something that I prefer to do in the privacy of my home without the watchful, snooping eye of the puparazzi.   Check out my sparkly whites! 

In the first photo, I suspect that the strange man who came to inspect my heating system took an unauthorized shot.  As I've established, I'm diligent when I'm on duty and I'm very strict about who I let in my front door.  I can name everybody that has stuck a toe in my new digs.  This man had the proper paperwork and performed the proper procedure, but somebody must have paid him off.  Unacceptable!

In the second photo, I was clearly enjoying some time in the great outdoors.  While I've noticed neighbors starring at me in the past, I thought it was due to my great beauty.  I guess that's not the only reason.  They recognize Sweetie P.

Tant pis pour moi.

Sincerely,

Sweetie P Clark

Best place to shop in Bloomington

Dear readers,


Since you value me opinion and understand the wisdom of my experience, I thought you'd like to know what I consider to be the best shop in all of Bloomington.  Don't let the name fool you; T&T Feed and Seed is the place for those with discriminate taste to find the latest and the greatest.  I go there for health food, beauty needs, treats, gifts, accessories, vitamins, and peanuts. Unlike some establishments in town, "my kind" is actually welcome at T&T. When I visit the establishment, I'm shown customer appreciation in the form of a delicious snack or two.  They truly provide the items that I'm looking for, all within a price range that fits into my budget.


When I'm at T&T, I get the feeling that they are concerned with sentient beings like me, even those who may be down and out, and so they do what they can to help, especially at the shelter just down the way.  Unlike some businesses, profit margins are not the bottom line at T&T.


What's really great about T&T is how much they love puppies.  They don't sell them.


Readers, be careful where you shop and what you buy.  I recommend visiting the best shop in town.  I've included a link below so you can read an informative article about T&T.


http://www.heraldtimesonline.com/stories/2011/10/07/business.qp-2884438.sto?1319932373


Yours truly,


Sweetie P. Clark