Undisclosed

Dear Fans,

As some of you already know, at the end of the summer, the puparazzi had tracked me down and was constantly harassing me, so I was forced to move to a secret, and heretofore, undisclosed location for my safety and security.  Given the severity of the situation, I was advised to lay low for a few months.  But I'm back on the front, ready to report to you on my remarkable life.

I can't reveal where I am, but I have a couple of photos to share with you about my harrowing escape.  I think you will notice that even under great duress, I look remarkable.

Since I'm not particularly interested in flying, I opted to use my car service to escape.  This is from our third night on the road.

Even though I had my security with me, I couldn't help but stay on guard until I finally felt like I was safe.

This was the number of my safe house.  Once I reached my location, I had to stay here until a semi-permanent residence could be established.  (I hope I'm not giving too much away.)

Once my security determined that I was in a safe location and that there was no immediate danger of the puparazzi finding me here, I was able to resume a more comfortable lifestyle.  Here I am enjoying one of my first outings.  Darned if despite the stress and turmoil I suffered through, I still don't look refreshed and dazzling.

Ta-ta,
Sweetie P. Clark

The Single Life as Sweetie

I know, I know, my fans are dying to learn about my old boyfriends, like Fernando, C.C.S. (his name must be coded to protect his identity), Vladimir, Chihuahua, and a few others.  I know some of you want to know as many juicy details as possible about my exciting life because you like the dirt, while others are searching for mentors, someone to look up to, someone to emulate.  I know all of that and more.  However, the truth is, right now I've been enjoying my summer time as a single lady and really can't even be bothered to write about those old flames.  It's been so hot up in here that I can't even think of having any kind of flame what so ever. And that's really not my problem.

Just enjoying my own company.

As a single gal, I feel incredibly free and liberated in a way that differs from the free feeling I get when I walk out on the saps.  As a singleton, my life is less complicated and stressful.  I have time, albeit never enough, to focus on what is really important and that would be myself.  You've seen my photos; you get what I'm talking about.  Most importantly, I don't rely on the male gaze to reflect my beauty back to me, any shiny surface will do.

I see my beauty.

If you really want to go there, my boyfriends have a habit of getting on my nerves (except my one true love Jean DeBout).  They tend to be clingy and insecure.  They are vague when I like details.  They are errant and unpredictable in their behavior when I prefer to follow proper procedure.  They are like puppies and they are boring. 

Yours truly,

Sweetie P. Clark

The Subtropics

While I was summering in the subtropics, my always present photographer snapped a few breathtaking pictures of the landscape.  I thought I should share them with you, and through you, I will be reminded

of this climate's great beauty.

Above you see me inhaling the sweet fragrance of the blossom.  I look so content and like I'm ready to begin my first sun salutation.  I maintained my yoga practice; it is a daily ritual that I never miss.

This is my favorite photo from my holiday.  Did you know that Florida was so beautiful?

Some of my people have claimed that this is the best Florida picture.  Now that I'm looking at it again, it is really hard for me to judge which I prefer.  I look incredibly good here, too.

   

The picture below fills me with giddiness.  With my sophisticated posing skills, I'm able to look happy, coy, beautiful, refined, pensive, intelligent, and humble all at once.  Nature's colors fare a sublime contrast to my coat and the way I'm framed between the two shrubs is quite striking.

These are all the photos I'm willing to share from my time in the Subtropics.  If you haven't been there in a while, I know this small collection will remind of the glorious landscape of our southern region.


Yours truly,
 Sweetie P. Clark

Under the Knife

Dear Readers,

I've gone under the knife.  More precisely, the knife went under me.  Don't worry, I didn't touch this exquisite face.  A formerly sensational molar needed to be removed. Though it's been noted that I have good oral hygiene, despite my best efforts, a tooth cracked.  Then, while I was waiting to get into surgery,  I must have accidentally swallowed the tooth.   I really don't remember much about the terrifying procedure, but I sure felt funny afterwards. 

Before

The horror started late one night, when I was denied access to food and water.  Unnecessarily early the next morning, my assistant loaded me into the car.  I thought it was an attempt to make up for the fore mentioned insult, so I happily obliged.  To my shock and dismay, we were not headed to the drive-thru, but the hospital.  Immediately I knew this was a very bad thing.  After a few agonizing moments in the waiting room, a tech shooed me back to the office.  Someone shaved my little arm- I'm still upset by this, my fur coat was perfect- and jabbed me with a needle.  Next thing I know, I'm waking up in some kind of holding pen, my mouth is sore, and I'm incredibly thirsty. 

Seemingly at her convenience, later that afternoon my assistant shows up and to adequately express my anger, I stick her with the bill.  Obviously, pulling a beautiful tooth was not my choice and submitting to the procedure was not listed anywhere in my contract.  I've triple checked.

Once we return home, I realize how incredibly sleepy I am.  I desperately want to nap, but ever the loyal gal, I struggle to perform my duties. My voice is hoarse (though sexy) and I just feel off.  Sweetie P. Clark never feels off.  Before too long, I realize that the throbbing in my head is due to the gaping hole in my gum where my once proud molar stood.  Yet, I must confess that the rest of my teeth look fantastic!

Look at those teeth- and that face!

 By now I've healed, I've absorbed the stitches and I'm looking and feeling better than ever before.

Now

 Yours truly,

Sweetie P. Clark

Dog Person

Dear Readers,

In Speed Bump, Dave Coverly quite clearly captures my point of view- except that I am a beautiful female.

Click on the link below then go back to the cartoon from 4/17.

http://www.speedbump.com/cg_speedbump.php

Yours truly,

Sweetie P. Clark

Breathe in

Dear Readers,

More and more it seems our busy lives allow us less and less time to relax and reflect.  However, as scientists keep researching the way the brain and body works, it is apparent that we need downtime.  As usual, I'm way ahead of the masses and have been incorporating yoga and relaxation into my daily schedule. 

One of my favorite modes to achieve relaxation is through Savasana.  I don't save the pose for an "end of practice" only exercise.  When I feel anxious or stressed or a little bit sleepy, I lay myself down and unclench my muscles and allow my body to become heavy.  My breathing is natural, though it tends to be on the deep side as I like to inhale deeply through my nose.  Some people mistakenly believe that I am sleeping when I am in this pose, but that couldn't be further from the truth.  I'm very present and aware during this phase.  Then, when I'm ready to come out of the pose, I flex my little toesies and pulse my leggies before propping myself up on my side and then coming to a full standing position.  I feel rejuvenated and refreshed after this and I love it so much that if I notice that nothing is really going on, I might squeeze in one downward dog and then just return to Savasana.

When my gruelling work schedule has made me particularly lethargic, I nap.  Sometimes I'll take my naps during my fifteen. If anyone has a problem with it, it's really not my problem.

Take my advice readers.  

Yours truly,

Sweetie P Clark

Roar

Dear Fans,

Hear me roar!

1) The male species challenges my intelligence on a regular basis.  If I choose not to do something, he assumes that it is due to a lack of mental alacrity, although it ought to be blindly obvious that I am simply using strategy, because if I wait long enough, he will perform the undesirable task for me.  Sometimes, too, out of nowhere, just when I'm being my lovable self,  insults are hurled at me in the form of "your brain is the size of a walnut" as if I'm so dumb  I'll "think" it is a "joke" or "tease".  Here me world and know that my brain is the size of a walnut with the shell.  And a large walnut at that.  One that's been pumped full of gibberellins. 

It is shamefully clear to me that the female of the species is superior to the male. 

2) I am so sick of the "male gaze" and the "female sees herself through the male reflection" propaganda that I am dry heaving as I type this.  I do not need to "see" myself through his eyes  because I know who I am.  I am a sentient being.  If he can't respect that, it's really not my problem.

3) I am disgusted that the male seems to believe that I, all females for that matter, are simply here for his viewing pleasure, as if we have not higher purpose than to be gazed upon.  For example, walking is a regular part of my daily routine.  I exercise because I want to stay fit and to live a long and healthy life.  It really is that simple.  However, not a walk goes by without some bozo giving me the three times over and/or making an inappropriate remark.  I strive to pretend not to notice these embarrassingly juvenile displays, as that technique causes me the least amount of stress and I'm always looking out for number one.  However,  I can only ignore stupidity for so long before it becomes necessary to protect myself.  When my compassion and maturity and decorum has been too, too tried, I take action and scare the male.  I tighten my face into a grimace, flare my nostrils, and flash my teeth.  Males prefer to see the softer side of my face, and I don't care.  I find it much too delightful watching terror flash over mr. tough guy's face to care more about that male gaze than my personal satisfaction.  Of course, I would never actually seriously hurt anyone, if it can be avoided.  However, there are occasions that warrant that a  ragefull growl and powerful lunge be added to the performance to completely scare the piss out of the hound.  I save this encore performance for the lying fools.  It really gets my goat when the fella who is making moves on me has a beautiful and devoted gal who is completely unaware of his attempts at lechery.  Anyone who behaves in such inappropriate and irreverent ways needs a little nibble nibble.

I know, I know.  Some of you are saying, "Poor little Sweetie.  She has the brains, the beauty, the body, the career, the fame.  It's so tough to be her."  But that statement bounces back to you, too.   With our superior thinking and feeling skills, most females have found a way to be all and have it all.  With this power comes great responsibility (see below) and so we must unite and stick together.  Just the girls.

Ladies, it is imperative that we respect ourselves (more on this later), take care of ourselves, look out for each other, and create a world in which we will fulfill our rightful roles as leaders of this planet.  Let's make this our manifest destiny. 

Sayonara senores,

Sweetie P. Clark