Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Thigh highs

I've decided to add a new regimen to my daily walks- stairs work.  Not only am I using stairs to do this and that, but to sculpt more muscle into my already delectable thighs.  Please don't get the wrong impression and think that there was any need for me to improve upon my already beautiful figure. I've just decided to take my stunning physique in a new direction.  
I gracefully zoom down the stairs.
As a result of my amended health plan, I've noticed I have an extremely beautiful curve in the back of my thighs which makes my wings stand at higher attention. The increased firmness makes my little leggies even more savory.  See for yourself!
Are you jealous?
How do I get more beautiful with each passing day?  I really don't know!
 Because stair work can be hard on the muscles, I like to get at least 3 massages a day; once in the morning, once in the afternoon, once in the evening.  My assistants love to rub my thighs.  Sometimes I request 3 massages per person, so that can mean I get at least 6 per day (If it storms, I kindly accept more.).  When I travel, I have more people on staff, so I easily receive up to 12 massages a day. 


Maybe some of you have some concerns about your thighs.  Perhaps you weren't born with a stellar little body like me.  And I doubt that you have exquisite thighs, as so few, besides me, do.  My advice to you is to start taking the stairs.  When you do, zip up as fast as your tootsies can carry you.  As you race down, it's essential to flow, as this allows your hips to undulate back and forth just so.  It makes for an intoxicating image.   Do this a lot.  Before you know it, you will love your thighs!


Yours truly,


Sweetie P.



Saturday, August 20, 2011

Jean DeBout

Darlings,

I'm terribly sorry to have left you dangling for so, so long.  It probably made you quite nervous. I received a cryptic message about C.C.S. (to reveal his name would put both our lives in jeopardy) and had to rush to China to tend to him.  Since my last trip to Rome, I refuse to fly, and the boat I was on turned out to be a little slow, more of a steady paddle, really, but I made it to China in time.  I saved C.C.S.  

Once word got out that I had returned to China, people were begging me to complete one more photo shoot, which turned in to two, then three, then four, then five, then six.  It was all, "Sweetie, please, you're so pretty! Sweetie, you are a beauty queen.  Pretty girl, please do this.  Gorgeous, please do that. Sweetie, Sweetie, Sweetie!"- just like the old days.  I couldn't let my people over there down, but it made my stay longer than I intended. If you visit China sometime in the next decade, you'll surely see my pictures splattered all over Beijing and Shanghai.  Don't ask me to do any photo shoots here, though.  I am through with that bullsheet.

The last time, I promised to tell you about the love of my life, Jean DeBout.  It breaks my heart even thinking about him.  I'm a lady of my word though, so get ready to hear the saddest story of a lifetime.  

When I fled to Paris many years ago, I didn't know a single soul.  It was a rough go, even for a pretty little girl like me.  The streets always seemed wet and really good stinky, but I was all alone.  I knew very little French at the time and it was difficult to figure out where to stay (It was impossible!) and where to find good food.  Poor little old me, I was wasting away to nothing.

One particularly vivid night, I was wandering the docs, letting the tears slip from my enchanting eyes and splash into the Seine.  "Mademoiselle" I heard from a dark shadow over my right side.  Always on guard, I snapped around just as Jean DeBout was emerging from the shadows to stand under the single lamp post.  "I cannot help but wonder why an exquisite creature such as yourself is lingering on the docs.  Come, I've just prepared dinner.  Dine with me and tell me who you are."  

Since my taut little belly was grumbling, it was impossible to resist such an offer.  Plus, he was really, really, really cute.  We talked all night and into the morning, which was good for me since I was homeless.  Ever the gentleman, while Jean DeBout escorted me from the docs back to the streets, the sun was rising, setting a glorious glow over the city.  I knew then that I was in love.

We were inseparable after that, except for the times when Jean DeBout had to work the boats.  He was an impeccable sailor, ready to go at a moment's call.  Sometimes, he would sneak a boat out for me and we would journey up and down and around the city on the Seine.  We would picnic on the boat. Every night he serenaded me with his beautiful voice and little guitar.  It was so romantic. He wrote and recited poetry to me. He introduced me to his friends, taught me French, cooked for me, took me dancing, we had so much fun. Through his love, the once cold Paris felt like home.  

Jean DeBout and I were a dashing couple.  He always looked so handsome with his red and white striped shirt, blue scarf tied just so, and black beret cocked perfectly over his right ear.  His mustache was to die for.  I was so jealous, but also really proud.  It was a thin, little line above his lip and curled up just enough on the ends to make him look like he was smiling.  I wore my beautiful black fur coat; what could be better? As you can imagine, when we went out, we got noticed, especially me. 

Remember I told you about my accidental first photo shoot?  I don't think I'd mentioned that I was sought out when I was with Jean DeBout.  I mean I wasn't with him that night (another story), but I was with him. After that first photo shoot, quite quickly my career as a super model took off.  Jean DeBout was really excited.  He loved to be known as Sweetie P's boyfriend.  When he wasn't working the docs, he accompanied me to my photo shoots.  We even had a few smashingly successful contracts together.  Well, it seemed like the more I got booked, the more I got booked.  Soon, everybody wanted a piece of Sweetie P.  It was exhausting, but Jean DeBout was my savior.  He could look at my outside and my inside.  He kept me grounded.  We understood each other and were deeply in love. 

Eventually, unfortunately, my success got to Jean DeBout.  He didn't believe that I could love him, but I did with every hair on my beautiful fur coat.  When Jean DeBout didn't show up for a big gig, I knew something was horribly wrong. About halfway through the shoot, when I couldn't bear his mysterious absence any longer, I took off to the docs.  I got there just in time to see Jean DeBout sailing away.  "I'm sorry, Sweetie" were the only words I could make out as I watched the love of my life drifting away.  Against my better judgement (I have never voluntarily committed an act like this since), I lept into the water in an attempt to catch up to the boat and prove the depth of my love.  It was no use.  Jean DeBout was gone.

As I was climbing back up to dry land, I noticed that the locket Jean DeBout had given me, the one that I always wore and never took off, the one that had my only picture of the two of us, had slipped off my neck.  That's another smart reason to dislike water.

The only images I have left of Jean DeBout are the ones in my memory.  The last time I saw him was when he was standing on the deck of the boat, his blue scarf fluttering in the wind, looking so handsome, and so lonely.  I don't know what happened to him or where he went.  I've been all over the globe and neither spotted nor smelled him. It's like he vanished.  

Sure, I've had many loves since Jean DeBout, but I never loved any of them the way I loved Jean DeBout.

Yours truly,
Sweetie P.

P.S.  Do you still think I'm pretty?

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Fur's the word

An advantage of living simply is that I can be ready to relocate in a moment's notice.  I see that when some people move they take a lot of this and that with them.  That's just silly.   I throw on my fur coat, grab a couple of essentials, and I'm ready to go.  That's all I need.  That's all I want.  I definitely do not want to have to put this here and that over there and move that other thing here and put that other thing there.  It's not refined.  It's superfluous.  As a girl who had it all then had nothing real fast, I will tell you that just about the only thing you really need in life is to look good.  A dashing personality like mine helps.


If you ever need help changing venues, don't bother asking me because it's really not my problem.


Your truly,


Sweetie P.


P.S.  I've had a lot of questions about my loves.  I have not forgotten my darlings who are reading this and anxiously waiting to learn the ways of the world.   I will promise the next time I will tell you about my true love Jean DeBout.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Ethics

It wasn't  my idea to host a house guest, but as I am a lady with refined manners and pristine decorum, I consider it my duty to be a model host.  It is for this reason and this reason alone that I have made a choice to share my ham.  

Ta ta,


Sweetie P.


P.S.  Do you think I'm pretty?

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Proof Postive

One of my many responsibilities is to monitor the neighborhood and alert everyone of suspicious activity.  It is a difficult job as it requires a keen level of skill to be able to decipher between proper and improper procedures.  It can be tiring and stressful, but I have people counting on me to perform my duties at a superior level (as stated in my contract). I've been told I'm really good.  Frankly, I believe it.

Now, guess who is not so good at security detail.  Somebody has been acting really tough and is trying to take credit for my work.  (Does that behavior sound familiar to anyone?)  I have evidence to show that is quite to the contrary.  Please see below and notice that Mr. Tough Guy is indeed slacking in his responsibilities.  


You should be wondering why he is laughing during an intense moment of neighborhood disturbance; I know I am.  I do not take to this kind of breach in conduct lightly and I don't appreciate his lackadaisical attitude.  I'm documenting this indiscretion and will be forced to take further disciplinary action if proper procedure is not followed.  

While you're here, notice my perfect form.

Ciao ciao,

Sweetie P.

P. S.  Do you think I'm pretty?

P.P.S.  I am sooooooooo pretty!

Monday, August 1, 2011

Mr. Barge on in

Well pardon me!  I had certainly been under the illusion that house guests were individuals welcomed into one's home.  That seems not to be the case anymore, at least if you are talking about a certain someone whose name will not be revealed.

Sweet little old me catching him in the stolen spot.  (I said I wouldn't reveal his name.  I didn't say I wouldn't show his image.)


I'm relishing a pleasant Sunday evening when he suddenly appears at my front door.  Before I can tell him to go mind his own business somewhere else, he's inside, barreling around like he lives in this place. Since then, he is stealing my favorite spots.  He is getting into my private collections without my permission.  This is not proper procedure. He had the gall to sleep on the bed!  I, personally, don't like to sleep there, but never, ever, ever have I ever been so insulted by such unrefined and undignified manners.

Getting no assistance with the situation.  I can't help that I still look really pretty even though he's makes me angry.

Whenever I go to a spot, he comes along and ruins it.  I've barely had anything to eat as around him I have no appetite.  The absolute worst is that he insisted on tagging along during my afternoon walk today. As a lady with refined manners and the utmost decorum, I indulged the fellow, but I did not like his company.

You can see that I see that he sees that I've gone to another spot and now he wants it.
He is certainly not nor ever will be one of my boyfriends.  I think Snowball thinks he's my new boyfriend but that's really not my problem.  Snowball can go think for himself.

I never!

Outraged,

Sweetie P.

P.S.  Do you think I'm pretty?

P.P. S.  I am sooooooooo pretty!